2014 was long, and painful.  Every single day of the entire year, I was empty.  Some moments were happy, some were angry, some were desperately sad.  Some were lonely and isolating, and some were filled with love. But every moment was empty.

Yet, I am thankful for 2014.  Because I had the rare opportunity to see the world.  Really see it in a way that I had never seen it before.  I had, of course, witnessed it.  But I had never really seen it so clearly.

I saw courage.  In people that really listened.  In people that pushed their own boundaries.  In people that took risks.  In people that looked my daughter, and myself, in the eyes.  In people that stood by our side.

I saw fear.  In people that couldn’t hear the truth.  In people that couldn’t act.  In people that needed to make Rowan a child that was ready to “pass on.”  In people who took hope that this couldn’t/wouldn’t happen to them, because they somehow would have done something that we didn’t.  In people that look at the ground.

Both courage and fear, completely transparent, every day of this year.  That is something to be thankful for.

I thought that, coming into this year, I would not mark the passage of time.  But then, I realized this year.. the year 2015.. may be my opportunity to make the most important New Year’s resolution of all.

This year, I will find my voice.  I will speak my truth, without fear…



Copyright © rowansmile 2015. All Rights Reserved. No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author. Rowan was killed at Rady Children’s Hospital as a direct result of the carefree and unnecessary use of general anesthesia for a “routine” outpatient diagnostic procedure.. Without his parents’ consent. It is okay to post a link to this page.